Communication is the key to any relationships, whether it is formal or casual, in the area of business, friendships, romantic relationships, you name it!
As humans, we are social creatures, we suffer from isolation and we crave for contacts. However, it can be very intimidating to engage with a group of “strangers”, whether it is at a party (hey, I see you, standing in the corner at the party, not daring to go and talk to your crush) or whether it is at a more conventional event where you have to speak in public (cue the sweat drops…). And this could also be in a one-on-one interview for your dream job with the CEO of that big company…
No matter what situations you’re facing, you need to dare be yourself and trust that you will sound exactly like you hope you will, that words will come out of your mouth the way you want them to and that you will sound confident enough for your message to be well received by your interlocutor or audience.
But let’s be honest… if for some communication is an innate skill, for some of us it can be challenging.
Some of our skills are more naturally dominant and some are dormant (until we remember how to unlock our potential).
We are all born with a unique mix of skillset and some of these skills might have been “shut down” at some point in life.
Our experience as a child (and also from past lives and what has been inherited from our ancestors, but we’ll focus on childhood in this article) shapes us to use our voice like a boss… or not… until we free ourselves from traumas and subconscious blocks.
That’s exactly what we’ll be talking about! Here is what’s on the menu of this article:
- How childhood sets you up for good communication skills (or not…)
- Your body is a powerful communication tool
- How taking care of your energy can help you unlock your potential and improve your life
- Tips to take care of your energy
Side note: This article aims at raising awareness, I am a firm believer that you can’t change what you’re not aware of and that it is very healthy to uncover blocks and wounds because if they’re not released at some point, they will end up creating more serious imbalances in our emotional, mental and also in our physical bodies (which could lead to dis-eases and physical illness).
So please read this article with love for yourself and thank yourself for keeping on going no matter what you are going through or have gone through in your life 🙂
Oh by the way, let me introduce myself briefly before we start so we’re not complete strangers 😉
Hi! I’m Morgane, former executive / administrative manager / right arm of the CEO and business owner since 2016!
I’m a certified personal development coach, born energy healer and reader. I describe myself as an Energy Coach and I’m all about helping you embody self-leadership and “self-healership”.
Hrideep kindly invited me to be a guest writer and I’m absolutely delighted to be able to share a few words on his platform with you all! 🙂
(message from future me, it’s more of a long article than just “a few words”, actually, so grab your favorite drink, your favorite pen and notebook and let’s dive in 🙂 )
How childhood sets you up for good communication skills (or not…)
Whether you were naturally shy and quiet or not as a child, you might have heard remarks such as “don’t be so loud” as you were innocently playing with your cousins, laughing until your belly hurt, as carefree as a child is supposed to be 🙂
Maybe you once expressed yourself and heard something like “don’t embarrass me” or maybe you were attending a family event and once back home, your caretakers told you “remember that moment when <event> happened? You said < xyz> and that was really embarrassing” or “you made me look like I can’t raise my child” or some remarks of that sort…
This has taught you – for example and obviously subconsciously – that:
– being yourself isn’t safe
– speaking your truth isn’t safe
– having fun isn’t safe
– you are an embarrassment
– people are observing you and taking notes of all your “flaws” or “mistakes”
These are a few examples of the subconscious language that can create wounds in a child’s subconscious mind at an early age – but I know you’re already seeing where I’m going with that 🙂
Then comes the time when you go to school and start socialising with your peers, you meet friends but sometimes you can also be bullied and be targeted, going through physical abuse, but also mental and emotional abuse!
Everyone seems to be “friends against you” or you hear disrespectful comments about your voice, your appearance, your body shape or God knows what else…
Bullying does leave scars and creates trauma as well as a lot of limiting beliefs (ex: I’m not good enough, I repel, people don’t like me, it’s best that I stay to myself…) and issues related with self-confidence and worthiness (or a lack of).
It is a fact that the first 7 years of our life are very decisive in the way our ego is shaped
By “ego”, I’m here talking about to the Freudian definition, our defense mechanism, the “I/me” personality that we build here on Earth.
Our ego is basically like a giant database, a collection of memories from various experiences – usually negative ones, because we felt threatened or in danger, our defense mechanism flagged these as “dangerous” and a fight-or-flight response was created so we can recognize the signs and avoid that pain in the future.
So even if “life goes on” and time flies by, those imprints are still contained in your energy field and in your cellular memory. Everything is still stored in our subconscious mind and in our energy field (also in our physical body, because we are one with ourselves).
Your body is a powerful communication tool
So here you are, you went through childhood wounds and embarrassing moments, you’re about to go on a job interview for your dream job or maybe you now have your own business and some unforeseen difficulties are rising.
Those difficulties might be anxiety, nervousness, creativity block, feeling stagnant, procrastination, fear of sounding awkward or being rejected, fear of being humiliated.
Your throat energy center (what is commonly called “throat chakra”) is “closed”. You have issues to express yourself. As you’re talking your brain is used to analysing everything you’re saying because you were shamed or ridiculed, maybe even gaslit in the past and your words have been twisted… so you feel you have to watch your back all the time.
You’re a leader, you KNOW you can achieve anything you set your mind to – FACT! – but right now, you have some blind spots (it’s ok, it’s human, we all go through that) and you’re seeking solutions so you can reach your desired level of success by improving your communication skills, reconnecting with your creativity, being and sounding confident and of course being super productive so that you can reach your goals, prepare your speech and be seen as the expert you are in front of your audience and your boss (and finally dare ask your crush on a date 😉 ).
Everything is energy: you have positive and negative energies, obviously. But to detach from any judgment, I usually prefer referring to them as “positively high vibrational energy that serve your highest good” (these are subtle and light) or “low vibrational energies that don’t serve you” (these are denser and heavier).
Childhood wounds (anything from a “simple” false belief to a more serious trauma) are stored as negative energies aka dense and heavy energies that don’t serve you. They’re stored in your whole being at different levels: subconscious mind, energy field (=aura) and even in your physical body, in specific organs according to the nature of the trauma and wound.
– anger, feelings of being helpless and suppressed will be stored in your liver, which on the long run can create your liver to be “clogged” and not filter properly
– holding back from speaking your truth will be stored in your jaw, creating tensions in your jaw and head
– unexpressed words and feelings can be stored in your teeth as stagnant energies, provoking some pains
– unexpressed pain, grief and fears, not being able to let go of the past will be stored by/in the colon
When you’ll need to speak in public or be interviewed by the CEO for your dream job (to use the previous example), the situation will trigger a response within yourself: you might start sweating, stuttering, feeling like you have a creativity block, not feeling good enough, you might even self-sabotage or procrastinate, arrive late at your appointment or wait until the last minute to write your speech.
The human body is a very advanced communication tool! Learning how to work with it and understanding its signal is life-changing!
Here’s a tip: learn to become more aware of your body and the feelings that you get in different situations.
Ex: notice the sinking feeling in your stomach when you think of something, pay attention to where your muscles are contracting, also notice your thought patterns, the way your mood is affected in such or such situation, maybe you start sweating or feel stress in your body, hyperventilating, your heart starts racing…
The more you will (re)connect with your body and learn to perceive its signals, the more you will be able to deal with these symptoms and talk yourself through any situations so you can self-regulate (including regulating your nervous system).
You will then realise that what your mind perceives as a danger is an outdated piece of data: the situation might have been true in the past, when you were a child, but is this still true now?
Ex: as a young child you were defenceless and unable to meet your primary needs or stand in your power, but now you can take your power back and you are able to be there for yourself and meet your primary needs.
Cleansing your energy and shifting your habits can definitely help you release past wounds and burdens! (Icing on the cake: once these burdens are released you will not only be more comfortable in the way you express yourself, but you will also be able to use the Law of Attraction to your advantage to create more opportunities without fear.)
I will give more tips in the last part of this article 🙂
How taking care of your energy can help you unlock your potential and improve your life
When you clear your body, your aura and your subconscious mind from false beliefs, fears, childhood wounds and traumas, you release dense energies from your whole system.
Your thoughts become more positive, you gain more self-confidence. Thoughts are electric, so when the signal is positive, you are sending clear signals to the Universe but also to everyone you interact with.
Your overall mindset is more positive, you have a solution-oriented approach to life. People love to be around you, you become magnetic.
You feel more emotionally balanced too because you have deactivated your triggers, you don’t react impulsively but instead, you can respond to life by staying in your power while still honoring your emotions and letting them pass without judging them (or judging yourself).
Remember, they’re called e-motions, not e-stuck 😉
Emotions are energies in motion, they are meant to flow. What you resist persists, what you allow will flow, always allow your emotions to flow without identifying with them. How could something that comes and goes define you? It can’t, your emotions don’t say anything about who you are as a human being or as the leader of your life and career / business.
Your overall energy is lighter because you’re no longer holding on to dense energies (all the wounds and traumas that were stored) anymore. Therefore your thoughts (electric signals), your emotions (magnetic) and your energy field (both emitting and receiving) are all working in alignment, your signal is crystal clear and that’s when the magic starts happening!
You step into your role as the creator of your reality, you voice your desires loud and clear, you stand in your power and express yourself clearly and confidently – whether it is with your friends, acquaintances, the CEO of the company when you want to ask for a promotion or an audience of amazing people who are looking forward to hearing your speech and learning from your expertise!
And this is not a myth coming straight from Unicorn-Land, this is a fact. That’s how energy really works, these are Laws.
I can testify this works from my own life experiences (my friends always tell me I should write a book…) and also through my clients’ experiences since 2016 !
Now you might be wondering “Morgane, that’s cool, but how do I actually clear my energy and heal those wounds?” – I got you!
Tips to take care of your energy
1) Cultivating self-awareness:
Here’s a series of questions to ask yourself in any given situation that generates an “automatic response”
- How is your body reacting to such or such situation?
- Are your muscles becoming tense?
- Is your heart pounding?
- Are you feeling overwhelmed?
- Maybe you need to cry?
- Are our thoughts racing and you then start imagining the worst-case scenario?
All of this is normal, it’s human. So the first thing to do is not to judge yourself for that.
We want to bring the “reflex” and “automatic” to our consciousness so we can become aware of things. Awareness is what enables us to choose differently and it’s so empowering!!!
What I’m inviting you to do right now is to place your hands on your heart center (center of your chest) and take a deep breath, close your eyes and connect with your heart.
Ask your heart to guide you and to be made aware of these sensations in a more conscious way from now on.
Stay like that for as long as you feel like and when you’re ready, just open your eyes gently and Trust your heart, trust your inner guidance and trust you will be perceiving those signals.
2) Practice mind-body alignment
Any time you notice that you’re reacting to stress, you’re having symptoms of fight-or-flight reaction or signs of resistance, do as previously described, namely: Place your hands on your heart center (center of your chest) and take a deep breath, close your eyes and connect with your heart.
Just be present with yourself. It doesn’t take long, even if you’re busy at work, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom and center yourself.
It doesn’t have to take time and here’s the proof, let me guide you in a 2-minute relaxation here.
This will help you be more present in the now and disengage from distractions and scenarios that the mind is a champion at creating. This will also help you disengage from toxic situations.
And lastly, it will help you get back into your center and eliminate brain fog so you can gain more clarity once you’ll have disengaged from the external situations.
You break patterns by not feeding negative energies so you don’t accumulate toxicity.
2) Learning to regulate your emotions
When you feel you need to scream or you could have a good cry, don’t judge yourself for that.
I get it that you might not be able to honor your emotions at that very moment when they’re presenting themselves, when that’s the case, if you’re in a public place or at work, give yourself some time, go to the restroom and catch a breather.
Talk to yourself for a minute “ok I’m feeling angry, sad <insert how you’re feeling> and I’m allowed to feel that way, I’m a human being and I grant myself the right to feel emotions”.
Here’s a technique I love doing:
Associate an element with the emotion you’re feeling (ex: anger = fire, sadness = water) and imagine that in the case of anger, fire consumes you, let it burn inside of you without resisting and consciously decide that the fire is cleansing and transmuting your anger. It doesn’t have to take long and this is something you can do at work.
You’ll feel it boiling and if you hang in there for a few seconds when it’s at its maximum, you’ll notice that in a blink, the feeling will dissipate “just like that”.
This technique really helps, I love sharing it with my clients!
Conceptualising something abstract helps make it lose its power over us, you remove the emotional charge and you don’t let yourself be invaded by more negative emotions – you stop feeding them! Your body and energy field will feel lighter and you’re re-teaching your subconscious mind that you are safe and in your power.
3) Communicating your needs and feelings and using your emotional intelligence
As we previously saw, holding on to negative emotions, thoughts and patterns can create damage to your system. It might be difficult for you to express when you’re hurt, you might be afraid of arguments, etc.
But it’s important to honor yourself and how you feel so you can let it out of your system and not bottle things up (which can later create resentment, etc.)
Expressing how you feel while not hurting anyone is about finding balance.
So here’s what you can do:
If, in a conversation, you feel hurt by someone’s words or you’re taking something personally, ask yourself:
“Did <interlocutor> have the intention to hurt me? or am I hurting myself through his/her words?”
– If someone has the intention to harm you, you don’t have to accept that and if you’re unsure, you can let them know not by pointing finger “you said this, you hurt me”, this will only feed the same energy. Instead, you want to share how if made your feel.
“What did you mean by <words>? I felt <insert feelings here> or I am under the impression that there’s a misunderstanding here, could we take a second to clarify the situation?”
– If you’re hurting yourself through someone’s words (if you’re triggered) then ask yourself “what exactly made me feel that way?” “when was the 1st point in time when I felt this?” then analyse that moment (usually from a past event) and ask yourself “is this still valid in the now?” “what is the truth at this moment in time?”
Having this conversation with yourself will really help you let go of unnecessary burdens, you’ll allow yourself to release in real time without piling up frustrations, hurts and without betraying yourself.
Just to end this part on assumptions: they are toxic and a good way to remember to never assume is to notice how the word is spelt: ass+u+me => when you assume, you make an ass of u & me – if you excuse this familiarity here, I think it’s a good way to remember not to assume things and to encourage you to always ask for clarification and use your own emotional intelligence to respond to life (and not react impulsively anymore)
4) Cleansing your energy field
Yes, you can do that even if you’re not familiar with energy practices (yet?).
Clearing your energy doesn’t have to do difficult so I want to share some basic techniques here.
One principle to always keep in mind: intention is everything! Remember intention is powerful!
- Intentional daily shower or bath: as you take your shower, you can also set the intention to cleanse your energy field. When you’re in the shower or in your bath, specifically set the intention that you’re cleansing any toxins and negative energies accumulated.
- Epsom salt or sea salt baths: this is as simple as it sounds, put sea salt or epsom salt in the water when you have a bath and set the intention to let go of any low vibrational (aka negative) energies and release any emotional attachments from your field
- Shower of Golden Light: you visualize yourself under a shower of Golden Light (Gold has the highest vibrational frequency and transmutes toxins and negative energies), as if you would wash your car at the car wash. Not sure how to do that?
I got you! Here’s a quick guided exercice under 3 minutes that you can do anytime and anywhere during the day (except when you’re driving for safety purpose as you want to avoid distractions):
I really hope this article brought you clarity and new perspectives! 🙂
A bit more about the author, Morgane Rose:
I help my clients – mainly entrepreneurs, public figures (including famous artists and world-class athletes) – align their energy with the energy of success through energy healing techniques, subconscious reprogramming and personal development coaching techniques.
I created a podcast back in late October 2021 and it has now reached almost 15,9k plays.
I’m inviting you to listen to the special episode recorded in collaboration with Hrideep (founder of Frantically Speaking) in which he shares gold nuggets: “How to get away with fear of public speaking and improve your communication skills“, listen here on your favorite platform or save it for later:
You can book your free clarity call here.
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